Backing Tips to save your marriage

[CincyGus]

I, like many of you, have a spouse that does not understand the art of communication through mirrors or windows. When we got our first camper (a popup), I needed no help because I could see over it and around it. After years of backing up to stock trailers and 2 horse trailers, I was pretty good at centering on the inside of the tailgate and judging distance from the camper to get close to the ball.

Last Feb, we upgraded to a TT and the sight issues caused by the taller camper along with it being brand new, made me ask for guidance when backing, just as a precaution.

I quickly learned that my wife is very good at arm flailing, walking out of sight of the mirrors and continues to do the same thing she does in the house which is talk to me from a distance or looking in a direction that I have no chance of hearing her or reading her lips.

I tried explaining to her that if she can not see my eyes in the large mirrors on our truck, I can not see her. That didn't help nor did it stop her from walking behind the trailer and flailing.

So I told her to help her remember to stay within my sight, I would stop if I could no longer see her. That worked......for a while. I then discovered that my lovely wife was born with alligator arms. Meaning that they can go from completely wide open, stretched to each side, slightly waving her hands only at the wrist, to SNAPPING closed like a 10' gator in the swamps of La. All while I'm riding the break at idle speed. Damn Chevy is just too fast in reverse 😉

Luckily, besides being lovely, my DW gave me the best present in my life, my lovely DD. She, luckily for me, understands the concept of maintaining visual contact, looks at me when speaking so if I can not hear her, I have a chance to read lips and was born with human arms. A backing, hitching team was born!

So, for those of you that struggle with backing, my tips are as follows:

1) Find a plastic construction cone and go practice in a parking lot. By yourself. If that doesn't work move to step 2.

2) Ask your spouse to join you in the parking lot and explain visual contact, facing the driver's mirror when speaking and that adjustments and hand signals should be made gradually and far enough in advance to not require a 2' correction in the last 3" of backing. If not successful, move to step 3.

Bring a Son, Daughter, sign up for big brothers or sisters and take them camping or bother the guy sitting in his lawn chair at the campground drinking his beer and smirking at you while your spouse is inventing new words to call you.

The truth of the matter is, it's not hard to back with a little practice and anyone that sees it as stressful, needs to be removed from the equation. The other party should just take their time and do it nice and slow and it will get done, even if it means getting in and out of the vehicle a few extra times.

Hope you enjoyed my little story and are not living it.
Good camping (and backing) to all.

[ependydad]

paulcardoza wrote:
I take my cell phone, call DW's cell, put it on speakerphone and set it on the dash. Then she and I can both talk without pushing buttons and she does a great job of guiding me in.

X2 here.

The other nice part about this is that she doesn't get "over talked" by the men who are around. The men don't mean to do it, they just tend to get in the way and take over. Unfortunately, she's not quite as assertive as she needs to be in those situations and doesn't tell them to bugger off. But, she does know that I only listen to her on the phone. I don't listen to the guys unless they're shouting "STOP!".

It's made a difference- most guys have recognized that she is able to talk directly to me via cell. You can almost literally watch them from lining up and giving hand signals to walking to the side and watching (except for the occasional shout of STOP! if they see something she doesn't- only happened once, but I was glad he was there).

[ependydad]

CincyGus wrote:
So I told her to help her remember to stay within my sight, I would stop if I could no longer see her. That worked......for a while. I then discovered that my lovely wife was born with alligator arms. Meaning that they can go from completely wide open, stretched to each side, slightly waving her hands only at the wrist, to SNAPPING closed like a 10' gator in the swamps of La. All while I'm riding the break at idle speed.

Ok, I laughed out loud a little at this. That is ME when I'm trying to help someone else. Fortunately, I'm rarely on the "giving directions" end of things.

[lucy6194]

head phones marriage savers well worth the money

[paulcardoza]

I take my cell phone, call DW's cell, put it on speakerphone and set it on the dash. Then she and I can both talk without pushing buttons and she does a great job of guiding me in.

[2012Coleman]

I take the advice of others and walk the site before backing in. Then I turn on my $26 pair of Cobra walkie-Talkies and give one to DW. No flaling of arms, shouting, etc. She simply speaks into the WT.

[Opie431]

One day it was cold and raining.. I was standing out in the cold and rain. My husband was having trouble understanding me. He had the window open about one inch. Grrr.
Now before I get out of the truck I ask if both windows are open.
He claims it was not because he could not hear me that we were having trouble. I do not believe him.

[resmas]

noe-place wrote:
Our grandson will be 13 in November. I taught him to drive my truck on our farm when he was 8. He is so skilled now at 12 I allow him to move all our vehicles from garage to driveway and back, etc. for maintenance and washing and such (including my Vette). When we arrived at our campsites starting this year I have him park the rv while I spot. I can't wait till he gets his license so he can drive the MH when we travel in the summer and I can sit in the co-pilot's seat and look out the window for a change. This week I started teaching him how to back my trailer.

This is literally priceless, and I hope he realizes the value of your lessons and thanks you later (maybe years later, but...).

My DH and I were raised the same way, and we are passing it down to our kids. You never know when a situation might come up where they NEED to drive, even though they are underage. I've had it happen - and had to drive my father to the ER before I had a license or permit.

[MarkTwain]

There are many stratigies for backing up rigs but I discovered that the most important for me was having my wife verbally use land marks (i.e move towards the house or move towards the fence) instead of " move to the left or move to the right". Works for me:):):)

[noe-place]

Our grandson will be 13 in November. I taught him to drive my truck on our farm when he was 8. He is so skilled now at 12 I allow him to move all our vehicles from garage to driveway and back, etc. for maintenance and washing and such (including my Vette). When we arrived at our campsites starting this year I have him park the rv while I spot. I can't wait till he gets his license so he can drive the MH when we travel in the summer and I can sit in the co-pilot's seat and look out the window for a change. This week I started teaching him how to back my trailer.

[adayjk]

Nope, tried all that. I'm with the second post. I'll do it myself even if it takes all day. Funny because at work I can have any of a dozen people spot with no problems. With DW "we" have wrecked all sorts of things. A couple of feet at a time is safer and happier for everyone, even if I do get looks from the other campers.

[wbwood]

bdpreece wrote:

azdryheat wrote:
Wife and I use walkie-talkies to back our 5r. No visual signaling required.

DW gets excited, yells into walkie-talkie but forgets to push the transmit button.

Part of the problem we've had with walkie talkies. Had a good set of cobra's too. She would later ask didn't I hear here when she said somethign. Half the time no. I don't know how many times I had to tell her that if she didn't her the beep, that I didn't hear her. The good thing is that when we had the TT, I was pretty good at backing it in. I just needed her to make sure there was nothing behind it that I couldn't see that I might hit.

The best thing to save a marriage is to get a motorhome! Back up camera and all. She stays put in her seat until we are parked. Except to get the level out and make sure we are level.

[bdpreece]

azdryheat wrote:
Wife and I use walkie-talkies to back our 5r. No visual signaling required.

DW gets excited, yells into walkie-talkie but forgets to push the transmit button.

[Go_Dawgs1]

I guess I'm lucky because my DW understands the concept of stop if I can't see you. I usually only need the help at the campground and we walk the site and I show her where I want the duals. Once back she checks level and we go from there. I'm lucky I don't need the help at home because I painted markers in the garage and can put it within inches of my spot.

[Community Alumni]

When we had our 5th wheel and I needed to back up, I would give my wife one of my Motorola walkie-talkies; I never told her that I didn't have the other one! :E

[deleted-2]

The DW and I argue and disagree quite a bit.
When it comes to backing into a tight spot the DW is my most trusted guide post!

For 2 people who bicker constantly having my sweedy back there gives me loads of confidence.
She's very good at spotting.
Maybe someday soon she will get behind the wheel.