Pain

[down_home]

Up again late. Took Hydrocodone, muscle relaxer and antidepressant for leg and back pain. Can't sleep at all.
And then... Something I would ask your prayers for.
My Son In Law has probably suffered a stroke and he waited too long for them to find it. He has if I understand it right Horners Syndrome. Right eye droops and pupil is shrunken and headaches and unable to drive. So he lost his job as a Supervisor Ground Fault Locator. Can't get unemployment and no disabilty. They will give them 15.00 in food stamps. Daughter loses her job on the 20th. Licensced Pharmacy Technician. Few jobs available but she is applying for everything there is on line. Huge medical bills and end of month no coverage and they haven't found out the ultimate cause for sure nor how to fix it. He will probably never work again.
She is about to crash from the stress of s many fights to survive. Her unemployment will only be a few hundred dollars a month.
We have been subsidizing them for a few months at over 2,000.00 a month. Next month it will take over 4,000.00. We simply caan't keep it up.
Bankruptcy and they will lose their home, car, furniture and everything escept the clothes on their back. They will be on the street. Naturally we will spend whatever we have to bring them home but there are no jobs here and getting far fewer everywhere else. All that is being offered is part time and call you to come in for a few hours or not and no benefits and low low pay.
The need a miracle. These Kids have had it rough all their life and fought back time and again but this time is crash and burn.
Please please pray for them. They live in Red Rock, Arizona.
Any suggestions who they might turn too for any aid is appreciated. There doesn't seem to be anything available unless you are an Illegal Alien. They get SS and welfare aid and medical coverage off the bat or so I understand.

[rkentzel]

Sorry to hear of your problems and really disturbing is some of the attitueds on here. Obviously none of these people has walked in your shoes. Yes I believe they only offered 15.00 a month thats typical. Some of the food banks here now wont even give food unless you quailify for food stamps. I have went through some bad times the last couple of years and coming out of it now. He need to apply for ssdi now there may be a chance that he could have more strokes especially laking good medical care. SSDI will take awhile.

[down_home]

dreeder wrote:
I am sorry, what a stressful time this has to be for all of you. You all have my prayers. You sound like a close family and will certainly get through this and since you are asking for prayers I will assume that you are a Christian, remember that God will not burden you with more than you can handle and he will be with you all every step of the way.

Thanks. remember them in your prayers.
Some things I found out is they have to residents to file bankruptcy in Az fro two years. So maybe January, if they can last that long.
Food Bank told them once in three months. DHS said no money left, in budget for mtge asst. Had to hurt to ask and hurt really deeply to be rejected.
have to call Tues by 8:00 amd and hope to be connected for possible help on utilites. One time. They have to win not for the sake of keeping their home etc but to have hope for the next day and the next. Unfortunately they are about to collapse I'm afraid. Drs wont see him for three months. They are hoping the condition heals itself apparently, that and since last Tuesday no health insurance to pay for it.
Never seen this side of the coin. A lot of people think and there is a segment that exist on public assistance but not there or here or anywhere around here. They wouldn't if they could and they can't anyway. Looks like they will end up with us. Not good for them or us.

[Targa]

I am sorry, what a stressful time this has to be for all of you. You all have my prayers. You sound like a close family and will certainly get through this and since you are asking for prayers I will assume that you are a Christian, remember that God will not burden you with more than you can handle and he will be with you all every step of the way.

[down_home]

down home wrote:
Since I got myself in this one I'll try to put it precise.
He did not go to the Dr right away but continued to try to work but was unable to keep awake behind the wheel and headaches and blurred vision. The found something in the blood vessel behind right eye.
They thought it was a stroke and it probably was but having been so long between event and test, no one is sure. Dr has told him he cannot work there fore work. they are still trying to find out what is the cause but are Dr seems very slow on appointments with different different Specialists.
He can go back to his job as soon as he is able.
Daughter loses her job on the 20th.
He has been out of work since May, I think. We have paid home and autos for June and July. She has paid utilities and some food and fuel which is a biggie out west. Credit Cards, IRS from last year and deductibles, copays etc are well having to wait. deductible is 5,000.00 I think I understand even though she pays 7,000.00 a year.
He cannot get Unemployment because he is not able to go to work so no interviews.
She will draw Unemployment. I don't know how much nor does she right now. Since she makes less than 600.00 week it will probably be 200.00 or so.
In Arizona if you bankrupt you, now, don't get to keep your home, car nor anything you bankrupt against.
He applied and a two hour phone interview for food stamps. 15.00 is what they offered. He has to go and give finger prints to get that.
Want to make sue he isn't an Illegal. His Parents are English. Dad died.
After work she makes applications, on the net. Not but a couple of positions anywhere.
They will have to bankrupt as we can't afford to keep it up and then there are the income taxes on top of that for taking from Retirement.
They have lived there for going on two years. This is Daughter's and his first new home. They drive an old car. His new car is with his Brother to take care of Mother, in Washington. He cannot work. None of my business on the particulars.
So come the twentieth they have no health care after end of month and a pittance of income to just about feed them.
So they lose everything and are on the street except for us.
That's the short of it.
My request was for prayers for them and any advice about Arizona system, of God I hate the word, Welfare. It is what it is.

I didn't get your pm until today. Thanks

He's my son in law. I call him son which seems out of place to me, since he's not all that young.
He's worked since he was a teenager. His Dad died of dementia at an early age. he took over earning a living, for him and younger son and doing what he could and what had to be done for his Father. Being out of a job is a life changing shock to People that have always made their living but can no longer. So I'm going to be a Dad as best as I can when it is called for.

[emzee]

I don't think that people are being cynical. I think they are trying to figure out why someone with no money is only able to get $15 a month for food stamps. It is a pittance and no one should have to or could survive on that.

They are thinking of down home and hoping he isn't being mislead, thus causing him more stress. He has his own problems right now too.

I am sure most would help they're family if they needed it. I know I for one would never see my kids with out food or shelter, they are our life!

Questioning some of the info he got from his kids is only human. I really think they had the best intentions.

carmichael, I will keep your son and his family in my prayers too. They are lucky to have such caring parents.

[carmichael]

Down Home....I have great empathy for you. I understand completely where you are coming from and the worry and stress you are going thru. We are in a situation quite like yours.

Our son, 42, was struck down quickly and with no warning with a heart condition. He had to have a defibrillator implanted and within a few short months it fired, saving his life but it caused him to lose his job as a 20 yr. union electrician service truck driver as he had to quit driving for 6 months and his company required a doctor's release which the doctor would not give him ergo he lost his job. He has now been off work for a year but due to arrhythmias and dizziness he is not allowed on ladders and around high voltage and can only go a few days and then has severe arrhythmias. He has had ablation and it is helping somewhat along with high doses of meds but his quality of life isn't good. His outlook and his wife's is up one day then down the next.

We are also helping a lot with their finances. He has 2 young boys and what he has is a genetic condition that is requiring the boys to have to have heart tests every 6 months. We have had to pay their cobra insurance because he has had so many hospital visits and emergency room visits. We are also helping them with other bills as his wife's job ended at the end of school since she is a preschool teacher (but has no degree and no health insurance). She will be going back to that job next week but the wage is not great and no insurance is offered...but at least it is something.

I don't understand the cynical attitude of some of the responders. I don't feel we are enabling when we are helping (at a figure similar to yours). I feel that we are just sharing our good fortune with them. It isn't like either of these men, our sons, asked for these health problems...and I lose sleep at night just thinking of the worry that my son and his family are experiencing. My husband and I have had a good life and never had anything like this strike us down...this young man is blood of our blood and we are willing to help out and be there for them even if it means us sacrificing. So yes, I do understand and very much understand that as a parent you don't shut your love and help off from family when they are down and out.

Read the story of the Prodigal Son in the bible. Even though he squandered his inheritance his father took him back and gave him the best he had when he returned along with unconditional love. God does the same for us...we aren't worthy of his love but he loves us anyway with no strings attached. Perhaps we should try harder to love well. I feel sad to think that the responders with their cynical comments to you seem to be people who might turn their back on their own families in time of need. Again, my son didn't do anything to cause his heart condition and this man's son didn't ask for his health condition how can you be so callus. Don't fail to think that you couldn't be in the same position as us when the morning dawns.

I will keep your son and his family in my prayers and ask the same for my son, Eric and his family. Mostly pray for peace for both that they might realize God is in control and that we as their parents find a peace. God sees that you are willing to help your family and I feel he will honor that. One last thing that goes thru my mind is that I also know that someday that my son and daughter in law could very well be the ones that we will have to lean on when we might lose our health...can we do less?

[down_home]

Since I got myself in this one I'll try to put it precise.
He did not go to the Dr right away but continued to try to work but was unable to keep awake behind the wheel and headaches and blurred vision. The found something in the blood vessel behind right eye.
They thought it was a stroke and it probably was but having been so long between event and test, no one is sure. Dr has told him he cannot work there fore work. they are still trying to find out what is the cause but are Dr seems very slow on appointments with different different Specialists.
He can go back to his job as soon as he is able.
Daughter loses her job on the 20th.
He has been out of work since May, I think. We have paid home and autos for June and July. She has paid utilities and some food and fuel which is a biggie out west. Credit Cards, IRS from last year and deductibles, copays etc are well having to wait. deductible is 5,000.00 I think I understand even though she pays 7,000.00 a year.
He cannot get Unemployment because he is not able to go to work so no interviews.
She will draw Unemployment. I don't know how much nor does she right now. Since she makes less than 600.00 week it will probably be 200.00 or so.
In Arizona if you bankrupt you, now, don't get to keep your home, car nor anything you bankrupt against.
He applied and a two hour phone interview for food stamps. 15.00 is what they offered. He has to go and give finger prints to get that.
Want to make sue he isn't an Illegal. His Parents are English. Dad died.
After work she makes applications, on the net. Not but a couple of positions anywhere.
They will have to bankrupt as we can't afford to keep it up and then there are the income taxes on top of that for taking from Retirement.
They have lived there for going on two years. This is Daughter's and his first new home. They drive an old car. His new car is with his Brother to take care of Mother, in Washington. He cannot work. None of my business on the particulars.
So come the twentieth they have no health care after end of month and a pittance of income to just about feed them.
So they lose everything and are on the street except for us.
That's the short of it.
My request was for prayers for them and any advice about Arizona system, of God I hate the word, Welfare. It is what it is.

[down_home]

down home wrote:

westernrvparkowner wrote:
Unfortunately, I don't think you are getting the 100% true story from your daughter and son in law. Food stamps will not be $15.00, unless that is the per day amount. If he is truly disabled, he will qualify for Social Security disability. Bankruptcy is not the end of the world if they cannot pay their bills. They will most likely not lose their house or their car. If the house and car are now way beyond their financial means, they need to let them go. It will be hard and painful, but it will give them the flexibility to start improving their situation, which may involve moving to an area where she can become employed. You providing money to them may very well be enabling financially bad behaviors. You said they are going from you contributing $2000 a month to $4,000 a month. What if their requests rise to $5,000 or $6,000? If they are truly in as much trouble as you believe and you want to truly help, you need to arrange to either sit down with them and get all the facts or have a trusted financial advisor do it for you. I just think there is a lot of information you are not getting or a lot of information that is being given to you that is not exactly true. Good luck.

No he can't get SS Disability short term for a year. Once they diagnose the cause perhaps they can fiz it and he goes back to work. If not then SS. He can't draw Unemployment because he is not out of work due no work etc. He has to be able to go to work and make applications to work to draw Unemployment. Already tried saying he could work from home but they want a release from the Dr. If he could go back to work his job is waiting on him.

No no no . Once she loses her job on the twentieth the shortfall in existing bills and day to day life will be greater. I doubt Unemployment is more than a couple hundred dollars per week.

[down_home]

westernrvparkowner wrote:
Unfortunately, I don't think you are getting the 100% true story from your daughter and son in law. Food stamps will not be $15.00, unless that is the per day amount. If he is truly disabled, he will qualify for Social Security disability. Bankruptcy is not the end of the world if they cannot pay their bills. They will most likely not lose their house or their car. If the house and car are now way beyond their financial means, they need to let them go. It will be hard and painful, but it will give them the flexibility to start improving their situation, which may involve moving to an area where she can become employed. You providing money to them may very well be enabling financially bad behaviors. You said they are going from you contributing $2000 a month to $4,000 a month. What if their requests rise to $5,000 or $6,000? If they are truly in as much trouble as you believe and you want to truly help, you need to arrange to either sit down with them and get all the facts or have a trusted financial advisor do it for you. I just think there is a lot of information you are not getting or a lot of information that is being given to you that is not exactly true. Good luck.

No he can't get SS Disability short term for a year. Once they diagnose the cause perhaps they can fiz it and he goes back to work. If not then SS. He can't draw Unemployment because he is not out of work due no work etc. He has to be able to go to work and make applications to work to draw Unemployment. Already tried saying he could work from home but they want a release from the Dr. If he could go back to work his job is waiting on him.

[down_home]

westernrvparkowner wrote:

down home wrote:

westernrvparkowner wrote:
Unfortunately, I don't think you are getting the 100% true story from your daughter and son in law. Food stamps will not be $15.00, unless that is the per day amount. If he is truly disabled, he will qualify for Social Security disability. Bankruptcy is not the end of the world if they cannot pay their bills. They will most likely not lose their house or their car. If the house and car are now way beyond their financial means, they need to let them go. It will be hard and painful, but it will give them the flexibility to start improving their situation, which may involve moving to an area where she can become employed. You providing money to them may very well be enabling financially bad behaviors. You said they are going from you contributing $2000 a month to $4,000 a month. What if their requests rise to $5,000 or $6,000? If they are truly in as much trouble as you believe and you want to truly help, you need to arrange to either sit down with them and get all the facts or have a trusted financial advisor do it for you. I just think there is a lot of information you are not getting or a lot of information that is being given to you that is not exactly true. Good luck.

No he is totally honest. He got kind of upset with them after being on the phone interview for two hours and being told they could get 15.00. Seems whatever we give them is figured in. Someone told them to close their bank accounts and have us pay the bills directly but that won't work. Once they get us on the hook they can come after us, as I understand. We know what their expenses are, pretty well.

Sorry, but he is lying to you. Any money you give them is not figured into their income. You can stop it at any time. And you can obviously pay any bill you want directly. Them telling you if you start paying a bill directly it will somehow result in it becoming your legal obligation is also a lie. The fact they want the money going into their account, instead of directly against the debt owed is a giant, bright red flag. I truly hope you see what is really going on before it takes you down as well.

He can't get unemployment because he isn't out of work due to lack of work etc. He is medically disabled to work. His job is open as soon as he is discharged by the Dr and can drive. Can't get SS for a year unless he has a diagnosis of permanent disability. Since they are still trying to find the cause and haven't established what the cause is he can't do that. Someone at her job made the suggestion about the bank accounts etc. They don't want to cancel them and aren't. They are kind of operating in the dark about all this and there is lots of advice from co Workers etc and who knows.
There has to be a reason they only want to give 15.00. Her gross income until the 20th is less than 600.00 a week. Together they made about 80,000.00 a year. They are paying for the house cars and utility bills, fuel and food now. Credit cards and medical bills are having to wait. He's been doing his job for about several years andthen promoted to Supervisor.

[down_home]

westernrvparkowner wrote:

down home wrote:

westernrvparkowner wrote:
Unfortunately, I don't think you are getting the 100% true story from your daughter and son in law. Food stamps will not be $15.00, unless that is the per day amount. If he is truly disabled, he will qualify for Social Security disability. Bankruptcy is not the end of the world if they cannot pay their bills. They will most likely not lose their house or their car. If the house and car are now way beyond their financial means, they need to let them go. It will be hard and painful, but it will give them the flexibility to start improving their situation, which may involve moving to an area where she can become employed. You providing money to them may very well be enabling financially bad behaviors. You said they are going from you contributing $2000 a month to $4,000 a month. What if their requests rise to $5,000 or $6,000? If they are truly in as much trouble as you believe and you want to truly help, you need to arrange to either sit down with them and get all the facts or have a trusted financial advisor do it for you. I just think there is a lot of information you are not getting or a lot of information that is being given to you that is not exactly true. Good luck.

No he is totally honest. He got kind of upset with them after being on the phone interview for two hours and being told they could get 15.00. Seems whatever we give them is figured in. Someone told them to close their bank accounts and have us pay the bills directly but that won't work. Once they get us on the hook they can come after us, as I understand. We know what their expenses are, pretty well.

Sorry, but he is lying to you. Any money you give them is not figured into their income. You can stop it at any time. And you can obviously pay any bill you want directly. Them telling you if you start paying a bill directly it will somehow result in it becoming your legal obligation is also a lie. The fact they want the money going into their account, instead of directly against the debt owed is a giant, bright red flag. I truly hope you see what is really going on before it takes you down as well.

Sir however well intentioned you are, you're wrong. Last thing he wants is to be on the hook to us. We are the ones that figured that must be the reason the offer was so low. He's never been through this before; neither have we. They are already making plans or he is Dau is stressed out about losing their new home and everything else.
I can see that posting this was a mistake. The only thing they have to on as to what the agency is thinking is what others have told my Daughter. We really don't have a clue how Arizona figures these things. Obviously it wasn't based just on their income and outgo. Something else is being factored in. Anyway I assure you they have us to back them up no matter what.

[westernrvparkow]

down home wrote:

westernrvparkowner wrote:
Unfortunately, I don't think you are getting the 100% true story from your daughter and son in law. Food stamps will not be $15.00, unless that is the per day amount. If he is truly disabled, he will qualify for Social Security disability. Bankruptcy is not the end of the world if they cannot pay their bills. They will most likely not lose their house or their car. If the house and car are now way beyond their financial means, they need to let them go. It will be hard and painful, but it will give them the flexibility to start improving their situation, which may involve moving to an area where she can become employed. You providing money to them may very well be enabling financially bad behaviors. You said they are going from you contributing $2000 a month to $4,000 a month. What if their requests rise to $5,000 or $6,000? If they are truly in as much trouble as you believe and you want to truly help, you need to arrange to either sit down with them and get all the facts or have a trusted financial advisor do it for you. I just think there is a lot of information you are not getting or a lot of information that is being given to you that is not exactly true. Good luck.

No he is totally honest. He got kind of upset with them after being on the phone interview for two hours and being told they could get 15.00. Seems whatever we give them is figured in. Someone told them to close their bank accounts and have us pay the bills directly but that won't work. Once they get us on the hook they can come after us, as I understand. We know what their expenses are, pretty well.

Sorry, but he is lying to you. Any money you give them is not figured into their income. You can stop it at any time. And you can obviously pay any bill you want directly. Them telling you if you start paying a bill directly it will somehow result in it becoming your legal obligation is also a lie. The fact they want the money going into their account, instead of directly against the debt owed is a giant, bright red flag. I truly hope you see what is really going on before it takes you down as well.

[emzee]

Down home, I have to agree with the others here, getting $15 for food stamps just sounds odd. The only way that could be if their income shows that's all they need. Her unemployment should be more than a few hundred if she worked full time for any length of time. He should also get unemployment if they won't give him disability right away.

Home prices have gone up, any chance they could put it up for sale before the bottom falls out??

Helping them with money has nothing to do with how the government decides how much they should get. They should say nothing about that to anyone, no ones business.

I think we've all either been in or known someone in this predicament and have a pretty good idea what's out there for them.

I don't think you going broke to help is the answer either.

I sure hope you get some better news from them and I hope his health is doing better. This is a lot for you to have to deal with considering all your other worries.

I will keep you all in my prayers.

[down_home]

amandasgramma wrote:
I will have to step in here and say I agree with above. The food stamp amount seems awfully low (and I used to work in the program)......I suggest maybe they're not giving the right amount of the income to the caseworker. The caseworker is obligated to get them the MOST help they can.....including the right amount of FS (her income was included before, but won't be after the 20th)....and to help him get to the right people to apply for disability. If he's not able to work, he should be able to get disability IF he has enough time paying into SS. If he's been paid under the table and never paid into SS, then Que Sera Sera!!!!! YOU should NOT be subsidizing.....there is a time when tough love really has to be dealt. You cannot be expected to continue paying for their lifestyle. yes, bankruptcy may mean they'll lose the house and car....BUT, they're going to lose them anyways!!!!!!!!

No he was not bdeing paid under the table. I can't give you the name of the firm but he was a Trainer and Supervisor over about 20 people.
Nothing underhanded in any way. Surprised anyone would think that.