Spouse left behind after death at a Campsite, what to do?

[Songbirds]

My wife and I were married back in 1974. We have one daughter who is now 48. I have been a long-time camper and had our share of outdoor toys, why before the toy haulers were popular and many other trailers I've seen roll off the assembly line. We were camping before our first family Ford VAN came along in 1975-Econoline VAN, by myself with shag carpet which was converted into a make-shift camper before that was even a thing, with crazy wild color carpet.

At some point, we jumped into trailers for room and comforts. Then came the day we got a Class A, motorhome and began to tour parts of the USA before I neared retirement. Which we switched into a longer and newer model as we were going on a full-time tour. But our lives were always pulled back by our jobs and the need others had for what was in our heads. ""haha""

Our daughter and her husband followed our tracks getting a Trailer toy-Haller. Some small boats and them ATV things. Without knowing came the words I had always heard from my wife. But this time from my daughter while on a camping trip. "Dad, she said" I don't know what I would do, if I lost Jon, and had to pack everything and hook up the trailer to head back home?

This was the first time I had even entertained the thought as I always felt it would just work itself all out, Okay. Or would it all be alright? Once, on an away trip in Class A, I had gotten very dizzy, sick, and broke into a cold sweat, as I had done almost 30-days apart for the prior year. A few trips to the Doctor and we learned my Gull Bladder had to go. So I was getting what my wide and daughter had been asking me about for years?. As we departed Utah and headed back home to Florida in our Class A, the very thought was what would the weakest minded person do to get it all back home in one peace? I had just turned 70-years old and the coming year came COVID-19 came 2020.

We sold our Class A, and we jumped into a Class B, Coachmen Galleria. As it has turned out has been great for restaurants visits and eating out with COVID in the air, while inside the VAN watching TV. Also driving our Van to some doctor visits and took in an RV Park to do our shake-down trip.

The wife and I have been together for over 50-years and were still in love and get along very well. I asked if the VAN would work? She said she could handle the VAN, but what if I dropped dead on the ground? Simple now my dear wife. Call the POLICE while I'm still on the ground and don't touch me just tell them it's not my "Gull Bladder" they will know what to do. Then call our lawyer to handle the details and drive back home. Or call our SON-in-Law and fly back home or wait and go back with JON or our daughter whatever. Also, we know she can handle the Van. But what about the VAN, give it to the KIDS, and tell Jon if he has a problem with the Beer give it to our fellow RV'ers wherever were parked.

So my fellow RV'ers, I posse this question to anyone who has an idea or has been asked by their spouse. You're out on your last campground outing and then your Facedown in the dirt, What would you suggest to others be done with you? And if alone who would know? This very thing did happen to a fellow RV'er while at and RV Park.

The Fire and Ambulance arrived at the RV Park, which got everyone's attention in the park. We learned the man had a heart attic and they took him away. She left with them and on her return. My wife took her a dish of potato salad. She, my wife was unable to talk with her and the RV Park gave them a Free Park visit. Some of us park fellow RV'ers guys, went over and rolled up and unhooked everything, and she towed the Vehicle all back home about 500-miles away. This all took a few days maybe just two days. It all happened kind of fast.

I Would like to know your thoughts? if something were to happen in front of you? I can see at 50-or even 80-years of age can be a big deal for the partner or family members to deal with the passing of another and having to deal with the details.

What would you do or think should be done, I would like to know. Let's please not know if it did but keep the post objective as to details would be helpful in just knowing. Thanks for sharing.

[4x4ord]

I think my wife would simply tie me to the roof and carry on with her vacation.

[ferndaleflyer]

dedmiston you are excused. Sorry

[Songbirds]

Good feedback thanks from everyone who give me feedback as I did read all of them. If anything talking with your spouse about the probability of a life-altering event. Having some kind of family fallback system is a good option if you have other loved ones who can help. Each camper should look closer at the other's duties and ask questions about how and why they do what they do. Being open with each other is not easy when one partner is in complete and total denial.

My wife asked me sometime back as we live in Florida and our daughter is in Utah. what would I do if something happened to her? WOW, I thought I would go first. After some thought I know it would be hard for my daughter with us being so far apart. I'm not much for the cold, but I think it best to be closer to her so she won't worry so much and will handle it as we go, until then, But we're talking and that is the START for a Happy ending to one's life story. Family or NO Family you need to talk about these possible issues.

Thanks for SHARING

[msmith1_wa]

My wife doesn't like driving the truck by itself let alone with the trailer hooked up.

As mentioned it doesn't have to be a spouse passing to get the other spouse in a situation where they need to get home on there own. Last December my wife, son and I were on the Oregon coast with my parents, both in the 70's. During the trip my parents rolled their side by side on the dunes. My dad was airlifted to a hospital in Eugene and mom was taken to a hospital about 30 minutes south of where we were camping. Mom was released later that night, but dad spent a couple months in Eugene before being brought back home to Tacoma for rehab. Although mom would normally be okay driving the truck and trailer because of here injuries and her emotional state she wasn't up to it. It is about a six hour drive from where we were to home. I towed their trailer to their house with my truck and my wife drove my parent's truck with mom as a passenger. The next day I drove back to the campground and back home with my trailer.

There were several people that offered help if needed, which was nice considering our situation.

Dad is doing okay, but he will not recover to preaccident condition.

[2halfs]

Prepared for....or not prepared for,

It really doesn't matter,the fact is if a spouse dies while out RVing you will not emotionally be able to rely on your own abilities to get back to where home is.

You will need support of family and or friends.

Even if you are able to set up a rig, break it down and drive you are not going to be able to do this in the urgent presents of a emergency medical issue or death.

Now for a minor emergency as some have mentioned in this posting, yes it is reasonable to have knowledge and the ability to pack and leave the location.

Our situation....upon a death, we would rely on family help.
For a medical situation.....I may not be able to do the physical work of preparing the rig to drive home but I can talk anybody else through it.

Family and friends are very important support people and can get you through anything.

This was a good question, a time to think, yet a time to realize yes life is short but we should not stop living for fears.

Denise

[dedmiston]

ferndaleflyer wrote:
Since my post is gone I suppose you thought something was wrong with my helping a woman in distress without thinking she had an ulterior motive. Why don't you PM me with what was wrong with my post?

You were the innocent victim. I deleted the post where the person was a jerk to you. I also deleted your response so it wouldn't look like you were arguing with yourself. Your post didn't make sense otherwise.

Your original post about being helpful is still there. And for what it's worth, I admire what you did.

[ferndaleflyer]

Since my post is gone I suppose you thought something was wrong with my helping a woman in distress without thinking she had an ulterior motive. Why don't you PM me with what was wrong with my post?

[dedmiston]

I deleted a snotty post. Please be kind.

[Desert_Captain]

While most of this thread has been about someone dying the situation need not be of a fatal nature to require some serious assistance. A simple fracture or other non life threatening injury/illness can easily render the primary driver incapable of getting the rig home. Also remember your pet{s} as most of us consider them family.

Those who have family and or friends that can drop everything and arrive prepared and capable of driving what for many are very large rigs with toads and trailers are very fortunate. This is not the case for me and even if I had someone that is a very big "ask".

For several years we have carried the Good Sam Trip interruption coverage {no, it is not insurance} but does provide for a professional to drive the rig home to include a spouse, kids and pets. There are a lot of other services folded in and the yearly cost is around $125 +/- or basically a nice steakhouse meal for two. Much like fire extinguishers, ERS and full coverage this plan is something I hope to never need but my bride and I sleep better knowing that it is in place.

We came very close to needing it last month... I was recovering from a kidney stone and while on the mend I elected to cancel an upcoming 3 day trip to a remote CG about 80 miles from home. On what would have been our first night in camp I was struck down with serious liver - gaul bladder failures and after being rushed to the local ER spent the next 7 days hospitalized going through gaul bladder removal surgery and several other serious medical procedures {don't ask}. Between the kidney stone and the subsequent, albeit unrelated medical disasters the running total from the VA is now well north of $100,000.

We would have had our 24' Class C, 10' cargo trailer and Can Am Spyder to get home none of which my bride could have handled alone. There is no one I could have called {not that I was in any shape to do so} and we would have relied on the Trip Interruption coverage.

Just sayin...

:C

[winnietrey]

Came home a couple of years ago, to find my DW dead in the driveway. Totally unexpected.

So from experience, you might consider, have a list of contact numbers in the rig, for friends, family, kids, relatives. And make sure one of those has the same list. Call one that has the list. I am pretty sure one of those would be on their way to you in a matter of hours.

You will not be in much shape to make any decisions, they will help.

Also a detailed hook up and drive list, so anyone, even if not familiar with your rig, can get it underway.

As for the rest, who knows? Pretty hard to make concrete plans, depends on to many factors.

Biggest thing is getting a loved one by your side, you will not want to be alone, that is guaranteed.

[Deb_and_Ed_M]

Tvov wrote:
My wife knows how to do everything and has watched me... but reading this makes me realize she's never really done everything on her own.

We are usually plenty busy with our "jobs" arriving and leaving a campsite. I keep thinking that I should have her do more with the hitching and towing, but I usually forget until after everything is done.

In my case, it was the opposite - I did all the "chores" of getting ready to go. Ed watched, his was the foot that held down the sewer hose...LOL! But I'm a "list maker" - I had a list of all the things that needed to be done to leave camp - and it was taped inside one of the kitchen cabinets. Ed would have been able to follow it, if I had been incapacitated.

And something I did a few years ago: we were headed from Michigan to FL to spend the winter - and since Ed needed cataract surgery anyway, I asked to do the entire drive by myself, just to prove to myself that I could manage 1300 miles in 2 days. It turns out that I really LOVE the long drives - I've done them ever since.

[Lwiddis]

I agree with Don…cross training of all those camping with you.

[ferndaleflyer]

I posted before but this also happened to me. A lady posted on here she needed someone to drive her 45ft DP towing a 24ft enclosed trailer from CA to FL. Had a whole bunch of BS offers + people wanting a fortune to do it. I contacted her and agreed to do it just for expenses. She made all the arrangements, I flew out, took 3 days to get back to FL. I started flying back home and got stranded in Charlotte 2 days by a snowstorm. Her husband had died in CA. I never heard from her after.

[jdb7566]

I personally know a couple that if camping, were Rob to suddenly drop from a heart attack, Kelly would likely follow, from the very thought of not knowing what to do next. She rules the roost, but he handles all the details. Like others have said, it is wise to have a "just in case" plan.

[Scottiemom]

This happened to me last October. My DH and I fulltimed for 15 years in our 40' Phaeton towing our Ford Flex. We have a home now in Florida but were visiting our daughter in Charlottesville, VA. My husband had had serious heart problems for the past 22 years. He died while we were in Virginia of complications caused by one particular medicine he had been on for those 22 years. He was in the hospital at UVA when he died. He had always wanted to be cremated. My daughter was with me and our son flew up the next day from Florida. They went with me to the cremation society and we made arranngements for my DH. I stayed in the campground until I had his ashes back. Terry always handled the outside jobs, but I knew how to do everything. I dumped the tanks, filled the freshwater tank for the trip back home. For the past ten years, I had been the sole driver, due to his heart problems. The morning I left, the campground owner helped me hook the car up. I knew how to do it, but it was a 2-person job. He listened carefully to my instructions and we easily hooked up. I had made reservations at stops along the way so I had a pull-through every night so I didn't have to unhook/rehook the toad, although I could have. I strapped his urn into the navigator's seat and we drove back home to Florida. I talked to him all the way. When I got home, I emptied the big moho, cleaned it up and within 6 weeks of DH's passing, she was sold and on her way home with her new owner. I kept our small B+ motorhome which is in terrific shape and have been camping in it. At the present time I am in Indiana visiting with my Mom who had a stroke last week and camped in my sister's woods with 30 amp and water.

We bought a MASA plan years ago, but I didn't use them to get back home since I knew how to drive my rig. My kids may have to use it for me!

I had no problems doing what needed to be done, but I'm sure not everyone would have been able to. The big plus is I could drive my Phaeton anywhere and we always kept her in excellent condition. My DH did all the routine maintenance/batteries/tires, etc., and that I did not want to do. My little one is 22' and she gets me where I want to go and then some. I'm not towing anymore either. I joined a women's RV club and have been camping with the Florida chapter. I wasn't ready to give up the lifestyle. Although I'm not fulltiming, I've traveled about 7,000 miles this summer.

I miss my DH terribly, but I cannot sit and mourn forever. He wouldn't have wanted that. And at 71, I still have things I wanna do and places I wanna see.

Dale