Backing Tips to save your marriage

[CincyGus]

I, like many of you, have a spouse that does not understand the art of communication through mirrors or windows. When we got our first camper (a popup), I needed no help because I could see over it and around it. After years of backing up to stock trailers and 2 horse trailers, I was pretty good at centering on the inside of the tailgate and judging distance from the camper to get close to the ball.

Last Feb, we upgraded to a TT and the sight issues caused by the taller camper along with it being brand new, made me ask for guidance when backing, just as a precaution.

I quickly learned that my wife is very good at arm flailing, walking out of sight of the mirrors and continues to do the same thing she does in the house which is talk to me from a distance or looking in a direction that I have no chance of hearing her or reading her lips.

I tried explaining to her that if she can not see my eyes in the large mirrors on our truck, I can not see her. That didn't help nor did it stop her from walking behind the trailer and flailing.

So I told her to help her remember to stay within my sight, I would stop if I could no longer see her. That worked......for a while. I then discovered that my lovely wife was born with alligator arms. Meaning that they can go from completely wide open, stretched to each side, slightly waving her hands only at the wrist, to SNAPPING closed like a 10' gator in the swamps of La. All while I'm riding the break at idle speed. Damn Chevy is just too fast in reverse 😉

Luckily, besides being lovely, my DW gave me the best present in my life, my lovely DD. She, luckily for me, understands the concept of maintaining visual contact, looks at me when speaking so if I can not hear her, I have a chance to read lips and was born with human arms. A backing, hitching team was born!

So, for those of you that struggle with backing, my tips are as follows:

1) Find a plastic construction cone and go practice in a parking lot. By yourself. If that doesn't work move to step 2.

2) Ask your spouse to join you in the parking lot and explain visual contact, facing the driver's mirror when speaking and that adjustments and hand signals should be made gradually and far enough in advance to not require a 2' correction in the last 3" of backing. If not successful, move to step 3.

Bring a Son, Daughter, sign up for big brothers or sisters and take them camping or bother the guy sitting in his lawn chair at the campground drinking his beer and smirking at you while your spouse is inventing new words to call you.

The truth of the matter is, it's not hard to back with a little practice and anyone that sees it as stressful, needs to be removed from the equation. The other party should just take their time and do it nice and slow and it will get done, even if it means getting in and out of the vehicle a few extra times.

Hope you enjoyed my little story and are not living it.
Good camping (and backing) to all.

[portscanner]

It was ugly when we first started backing a trailer. DW could not give directions nor could she understand which way to turn the wheel and when she was backing, but we came up with a system that worked well.

No walkie talkies - no screaming - no problems.

She backs - but she watches me all the time. I show her which way to turn the wheel and how far by waving my hand in the air. If I want want her to turn the wheel a little to the right, I slowly wave my hand in a clock wise circle in the air. I watch the front wheels of the truck so I know which way it is going to go and adjust as needed. After we started that system, rarely did we have to take a second pass to get a 30foot 5er in place. We even got compliments from other campers on how we could back into tight spots,

The only three standing rules are: if she cant see me - she automatically stops, we have only one speed - dead slow and we ignore everyone else until we are done. So it is simple: Five hand signals: turn the wheel left, turn the wheel right, stop, back up and go forward.

[Old-Biscuit]

We pull up to site, GF jumps out and walks to back of rig.

I then back 5'vr in regardless of what hand signals GF is giving......

She feels good about helping, we don't fight and rig gets parked.

The only thing I really watch/listen for is that abrupt closed fist or STOP

[NanciL]

Walkie talkies for us.
We have gotten so good at it, that I could close my eyes and she could talk me right back in to where we want the TT.

Jack L

[ependydad]

Veebyes wrote:
I seldom respond on the radio. Trust is put in her judgement & I do what I am told. She gets the trailer within an inch of where she wants it or where I want it.

Ditto, times a million. I do what she says and don't question it. She has yet to be wrong.

Veebyes wrote:
Last month I watched a guy go backwards & forwards 15 times, I counted them, trying to get into a quite an easy site.

Hey now, that's sometimes me. 🙂 No shouting or yelling, but I still have my days where I can't hit the a runway.

[CincyGus]

Hopefully you all got something out of my tongue in cheek but totally accurate account of my backing adventures. As for the radios, I tried that but couldn't get her to release the button because what she had to say to me was much more important than anything I had to say to her, at least to her. Secondly, I'd rather imagine some of what she might be calling me than hear it clearly so I gave them away.

The daughter usually goes with us or I have friends tailing us that are going to be camping at a nearby site or sharing ours with a tent so I've sent her on dog walking duties now once I do my swoop prior to backing in. Much less stressful for all involved and we are all smiling and talking still once we are set up.

[beemerphile1]

The stopping if I can't see her method;
Doesn't work because she is probably two sites over talking to a friend and has completely forgotten about me.

The her driving while I spot method;
She won't even pull the trailer in a straight line forward let alone backing into a spot.

The walkie-talkie method;
I bought a $100 set of radios but never could get her to understand the operation.

The traffic cone method;
I like that, I will try it next. I always walk the site but the cone will give me a target.

Keep the ideas coming!

[PUCampin]

I have a pretty good spacial relationship sense and decent depth preception. DW, not so much. I love DW very much, and to keep the peace I just let her stay in her seat, get out and walk the site, and just back in slowly, getting out and checking as needed. I always hook up myself, just let her stay in the house or trailer with the kids until we are literally ready to roll. Done it enough that it only takes a couple minutes and couple checks to get the ball under the coupler.

The couple times I have tried having her help, she just kind of stands there, doesn't say anything. Finally I yell out the window "Am I ok?" and I get "You need to go that way some" with arms folded in response. Or I get the "OK stop" while I am still 6 feet from the object.

To park the TT at the house requires me to back it up the driveway at an angle between a corner of the roof of the house and a tree, and once the wheels pass the corner of the roof, turn in so I don't hit a retaining wall with the opposite back corner of the TT. Only a few inches of clearance. The tree has grown, so now I just have to brush the tree a bit. I used to have her stand and make sure I did not hit the roof, but responses ranged from "your too close" while being a foot away, to "ok stop" when I actually touched the roof. I learned how to angle the mirror to see what i needed to, and a couple stop and checks are all that is required now.

Once at a campground the guy at the next site immediately walked over, hung on DW's door and said "Hey I can help ya, ya just gotta turn the steering wheel the other way, NO the OTHER way (which I did) then "No No not that way, the OTHER way" At which point I told him thanks, I do this all the time and I will be ok. DW felt I was rude and wondered why I didn't accept his help. :R

Same goes for navigation. If I know I am going somewhere, I will look it up and usually know which way I want to go to get 90% of the way, and just need the close in map for the last few turns. DW will let Sury give her turn by turn, even if most of the drive is familiar, even if Sury wants us to make 5 turns on various streets to save 0.1 miles instead of a straight shot. Just the other night, we needed to pick up something from an unfamiliar house. It was only a couple miles above our church but DW didn't tell me this, just let Sury guide us. We made a bunch of turns, here and there (having to turn around because I got a "Oh you needed to turn left there") ending up at our church. I could have made 2 turns and taken 2 streets and ended up at the same spot, but Sury saved us that 0.1 mile!!

Ok i'll stop now 🙂

[1hodag]

good morning, as a rver and as i read the last 4 pages re. communicating with spouse about backing rv ect. i think of a 1 1/2 hr. show that a couple put on regarding all stories of rvs. if you snowbird in az.or so.tex., check out bernie&red. you will have tears of laughter thru the whole show.

[jasult]

My wife is my biggest helper when she takes dog for a walk.
I want to get out and check for myself.
Too many times a helper will say "YOU HIT THAT" as they watched.

[wilber1]

Walky Talkies. Also usefull for setting up sat dish.

[Greentow]

I found/bought the small soccer cones "about 10 inches tall" and set 4 or 5 down a line where I want the left side of the rig. I've checked the area I want to park in, and set the cones where the wheels will stop. There's an adjustment on the mirrors to tip up/down or in/out. I use it frequently when backing in to a site.

[WeBeFulltimers]

My DW and I have no problem communicating while I back in. She is sitting in the truck right beside me. I hope no one ever discovers a foolproof way of backing that suits all....makes for a LOT of fun watching others!

[Veebyes]

This is why we like to get to the CG & setup by at least mid afternoon. We want to be there in time for all of 'the entertainment' as later arrivals come in & the waving, shouting & prancing around reaches its peak with the latest arrivals who most likely are very tired after doing many miles that day.

I'm sorry, but we are boring to watch most of the time. Being a ham radio operator the DW understands the use of a radio. There is no confusion over left or right. We brought our marine terminology with us. We move to port or starboard. For finer moves getting on blocks hand signals, one hand, are given.

I seldom respond on the radio. Trust is put in her judgement & I do what I am told. She gets the trailer within an inch of where she wants it or where I want it.

Last month I watched a guy go backwards & forwards 15 times, I counted them, trying to get into a quite an easy site. There was much shouting, prancing around out of his sight, & him out of then back into the truck.

Then there are the ones where she does not do a thing. She sits in the truck holding the itty bitty dog or stands by the side, watching & holding the itty bitty dog.

It is sooo much easier, faster & safer with both of us involved.

[FunnyCamper]

OP, that was a funny post, with the alligator arms and more! 🙂


hubby backs up without me. most he will ask is 'tell me if I am going to hit that' if something is in the way or very tight. other than that, he gets out and checks if needed. it is better that way for us. I wait. he gets settled in and then I go to work setting up the camper with him.

[schlep1967]

I spent 7 years backing trailers ranging from 28 feet to 53 feet into the dock at a trucking company. And the dock and yard were designed for the 28 footers so when you got a 53 footer things got tight. And you never had spotters. Just your mirrors. Most times I will look at the site as I am driving by it before backing in and see if there is anything I need to worry about like the picnic table or trees where my slides need to open. The wife knows I can back the trailer to where I want it and many times she stays in the truck. Until I feel I need extra eyes at the back. Then we will both get out and I will show her what I am concerned about. She watches what I am worried about. Normally a tree or something directly behind the trailer. I know where I want the trailer due to hooking up sewer and water. She knows there is a reason for me putting it there. And that is something you must teach them. Seems women think the trailer would look better over this way or back further. Once I told her "Unless you are handling dumping the tanks, I am putting the trailer where it works for me". Hav not had any arguement since.