Travelling companion

[loulou57]

Our dear friend (We will call her Ann) lost her hubby over 5 years ago. Ann has been ready for a while now to move forward and do something her husband never wanted to do....travel across Canada.
One problem...she does not want to do it alone. Ann is not looking for someone to travel with her. For company as well as being a man able to do and teach her the knowledge etc. Ann is not looking for anything more than a male traveling companion. Money is not an issue either. She is willing to cover all costs but is not wanting someone who is in it for the free ride.
We have offered to take her but she said she would feel uncomfortable rather like the odd one out. The big question is....how does she go about finding someone? Looking on a " singles" site is not what she is looking for.
Any information on how we can help her reach her dream would be appreciated. It is not something easy to accomplish.

[TXcampingfamily]

I think it might be more productive if we got off the male companion topic. I believe that most everyone on this forum think it's a very bad idea. That being said, how about giving her other ideas that would be wiser and safer. Here are some links to camping groups that might offer her the safety and friendship of traveling in a group.

Sisters on the Fly

Example of a caravan group

[toedtoes]

loulou57 wrote:
Wow, what a lot of comments here. Some questionable???

Let's clear some things up here, Ann is looking for someone, she says a man to...join her..on this trip. She is not looking for romance and would hope that nobody would expect her to.
This trip would be a joint trip. Although her dream trip is to travel across Canada I don't think I posted anywhere that it was a...all her way trip. She said of course her companions imput would be taken into consideration. They would plan where they would go and what each would like to see and do.
We feel that Ann feels more safe with man with her. I know that may sound silly but you need to know her to understand her reasoning.
We made some progress this weekend on the type of RV she should get and the company she is looking for. She still feels that there are gentlemen out there that are looking for the same thing.
Thanks for all your comments

Loulou - well thank you for editing your post and not accusing me of being insistent that she offer sex in return.

As to your edited comments, you see to be leaning towards her thinking this is now a good idea and that she is being reasonable in her plan. That's a big jump from your OP.

She says the man's input will "be taken into consideration", which in reality means "if I like his input, I'll agree to it, but if it conflicts with my plans, he's SOL." She owns the RV, she's paying for the trip - no matter her best intentions, she's got all the power in this traveling relationship. If the companion doesn't like it, his only option is to drop out mid-trip and find his own way home.

I understand the idea that traveling with a man puts her mind at ease, but I think she really needs to work on the idea of traveling in an RV closer to home. She's got a lot of emotion twisted up in this dream trip and her current plan is going to end up less than satisfactorily.

How is she going to determine the compatibility between her and this man? Is she going to have him complete a 100 page questionnaire? Is she going to make 6 months' worth of weekend trips with him so they can get used to each other? Or is she going to wait until they are on their cross country trip to learn that he talks in his sleep, reads until 4 a.m., takes a nap every day between 2 and 5 p.m., etc.?

[westend]

I've been following this thread and thinking about Ann, what she's trying to accomplish, the plight of widowed partners, RV'ing with a companion, and the general aspects of Ann's idea.

My overall feelings are that this is a misplaced idea about activities trying to fill the void of a lost partner in it's total conception. There would probably be some value for Ann remaining active while RV'ing but trying to fill the void by enlisting a traveling companion of the opposite sex, probably won't work.

My Mom traveled well into her 80's with various same-sex friends in her Coach. She also had friends that shared her off-shore travels. She stated to me that any romantic interests were long gone. I believe there are organizations for widowed and single folks that are trying to hook up for travel. It may not be on the same playing field that Ann envisions but that would be the best resource, IMO.

If it has to be a man, she is probably not looking for just a traveling companion but trying to fulfill a need that is about the loss of her husband.

[dewey02]

tpi wrote:

loulou57 wrote:
Wow, what a lot of comments here. Some questionable???

Let's clear some things up here, Ann is looking for someone, she says a man to...join her..on this trip.

I'm going to be blunt. She's nuts if she plans on traveling in one RV with man she hardly knows-and you're nuts to promote such a thing. Hardly knows means two or three meetups in your home w/ the guy and a planning session or two. What else do you have in mind for them prior to the big vacation?

Thank you for saying this. I was thinking the same, as this is a really bad idea (and I've never made that comment on this or any forum before). If that is a questionable response, so be it. Many responses have tried gently to state this is a bad idea, apparently to no avail.

Ann will most likely end up with a disappointing trip at best, and something unspeakable at worst.

[tpi]

loulou57 wrote:
Wow, what a lot of comments here. Some questionable???

Let's clear some things up here, Ann is looking for someone, she says a man to...join her..on this trip.

I'm going to be blunt. She's nuts if she plans on traveling in one RV with man she hardly knows-and you're nuts to promote such a thing. Hardly knows means two or three meetups in your home w/ the guy and a planning session or two. What else do you have in mind for them prior to the big vacation?

[pitch]

Toedtoes has it exactly right.
The companion will have input on travel plans.

What exactly does that mean? How many times in your professional lives have you been told that? How did it work out for you?

The chores will be shared.

Who will be the arbiter of said sharing?

There is no denying that there will be some sexual tension. Probably won't be overt,but it will be the elephant in the room. Any healthy male or female has desires and urges, especially over an expanded period of time. Rv,s are not built with modesty and privacy in mind.
Hey Mister go take a walk in the pouring rain for half an hour while I shower and get ready for bed?
Most men over the age of fifty have some level of prostate problem. Trust me at 02:30 when my bladder says git up,I often don't have time to think about modesty and decorum. Perfectly fine with a wife or girlfriend,but with an acquaintance?

In my mind there are only two ways for her to accomplish this dream,one is to hire a traveling companion on a solely professional basis. The second is to have a companion with his own rig to follow along.

[2012Coleman]

toedtoes wrote:
Francesca - I'm not being insistent. I mentioned it once, two people immediately assumed I was suggesting she provide the companion with sex in exchange (makes me wonder about the thought processes of those who immediately assume that), and I clarified for each of them. Hardly a very insistent position (and, really, you're "weirded out" by it???).

To answer your quetion, as a woman, I see this as a very one-sided agreement regardless of the sex of the "companion". I'm stating "man" because Ann specifically wants a male companion. I just don't see any reason why any stranger would be interested in playing teacher, companion, and unpaid worker (as well as being placed in very close quarters with an unknown woman for a good amount of time) in exchange for tagging along on someone else's dream trip. And if you read the responses, many others agree that this isn't an appealing offer.

This is exactly what what I was referring to when I stated that I would be suspect of any man volunteering for this excursion. Thanks to toedtoes for making it more clear.

[toedtoes]

Francesca - I'm not being insistent. I mentioned it once, two people immediately assumed I was suggesting she provide the companion with sex in exchange (makes me wonder about the thought processes of those who immediately assume that), and I clarified for each of them. Hardly a very insistent position (and, really, you're "weirded out" by it???).

To answer your quetion, as a woman, I see this as a very one-sided agreement regardless of the sex of the "companion". I'm stating "man" because Ann specifically wants a male companion. I just don't see any reason why any stranger would be interested in playing teacher, companion, and unpaid worker (as well as being placed in very close quarters with an unknown woman for a good amount of time) in exchange for tagging along on someone else's dream trip. And if you read the responses, many others agree that this isn't an appealing offer.

[TXcampingfamily]

Honestly did not read all the replies so sorry if this is a repeat. She should try to find a caravan/travel group type of trip. My neighbors have a cassita and just returned from a trip with 16 other cassita owners. There is also a group of ladies that travel together in rvs called sisters on the fly. There is safety and companionship in numbers. Once during our travels we met a retired single school teacher. She traveled across the country volunteering at the National Parks. Said the camping was free or very cheap, she got to see the sights and made lots friends along the way.

[noe-place]

Does she have any male family members who could help her out?

[dewey02]

ncrowley wrote:
I hope Ann realizes that people that are lonely and desperate do dumb things. I have done some very dumb things in my life so this is not a reflection on Ann. I hope with all my heart she will actually listen to what has been posted here and first go out there and be comfortable on her own. Then, if she finds a traveling companion she will know she chose him because she wants him and not because she needs him.

This^^^.

[toedtoes]

loulou - as I told Francesca, I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about providing a benefit to the man in exchange to all the stuff your friend expects him to do.

She expects him to teach her about RV'ing
She expects him to keep her company
She expects him to accept her trip plans
She expects him to do enough chores to convince her that he is not getting "a free ride"
She expects him to travel at her pace

In exchange, what does he get?

He gets to keep her company
He gets to teach her all about RV'ing
He gets to follow her travel plans
He gets to do whatever chores she deems sufficient for him to not be getting "a free ride"
He gets to travel at her pace
She pays for the trip

He's not getting anything beyond being a "handyman". What is she going to offer him to make it a more appealing offer? Is she willing to let him participate in the plans - making decisions as to where and when they stop? Anything else? Or is he just going to tag along on her dream trip and do all the work?

[loulou57]

Wow, what a lot of comments here. Some questionable???

Let's clear some things up here, Ann is looking for someone, she says a man to...join her..on this trip. She is not looking for romance and would hope that nobody would expect her to.
This trip would be a joint trip. Although her dream trip is to travel across Canada I don't think I posted anywhere that it was a...all her way trip. She said of course her companions imput would be taken into consideration. They would plan where they would go and what each would like to see and do.
We feel that Ann feels more safe with man with her. I know that may sound silly but you need to know her to understand her reasoning.
We made some progress this weekend on the type of RV she should get and the company she is looking for. She still feels that there are gentlemen out there that are looking for the same thing.
Thanks for all your comments

[ncrowley]

I hope Ann realizes that people that are lonely and desperate do dumb things. I have done some very dumb things in my life so this is not a reflection on Ann. I hope with all my heart she will actually listen to what has been posted here and first go out there and be comfortable on her own. Then, if she finds a traveling companion she will know she chose him because she wants him and not because she needs him.