Backing Tips to save your marriage

[CincyGus]

I, like many of you, have a spouse that does not understand the art of communication through mirrors or windows. When we got our first camper (a popup), I needed no help because I could see over it and around it. After years of backing up to stock trailers and 2 horse trailers, I was pretty good at centering on the inside of the tailgate and judging distance from the camper to get close to the ball.

Last Feb, we upgraded to a TT and the sight issues caused by the taller camper along with it being brand new, made me ask for guidance when backing, just as a precaution.

I quickly learned that my wife is very good at arm flailing, walking out of sight of the mirrors and continues to do the same thing she does in the house which is talk to me from a distance or looking in a direction that I have no chance of hearing her or reading her lips.

I tried explaining to her that if she can not see my eyes in the large mirrors on our truck, I can not see her. That didn't help nor did it stop her from walking behind the trailer and flailing.

So I told her to help her remember to stay within my sight, I would stop if I could no longer see her. That worked......for a while. I then discovered that my lovely wife was born with alligator arms. Meaning that they can go from completely wide open, stretched to each side, slightly waving her hands only at the wrist, to SNAPPING closed like a 10' gator in the swamps of La. All while I'm riding the break at idle speed. Damn Chevy is just too fast in reverse 😉

Luckily, besides being lovely, my DW gave me the best present in my life, my lovely DD. She, luckily for me, understands the concept of maintaining visual contact, looks at me when speaking so if I can not hear her, I have a chance to read lips and was born with human arms. A backing, hitching team was born!

So, for those of you that struggle with backing, my tips are as follows:

1) Find a plastic construction cone and go practice in a parking lot. By yourself. If that doesn't work move to step 2.

2) Ask your spouse to join you in the parking lot and explain visual contact, facing the driver's mirror when speaking and that adjustments and hand signals should be made gradually and far enough in advance to not require a 2' correction in the last 3" of backing. If not successful, move to step 3.

Bring a Son, Daughter, sign up for big brothers or sisters and take them camping or bother the guy sitting in his lawn chair at the campground drinking his beer and smirking at you while your spouse is inventing new words to call you.

The truth of the matter is, it's not hard to back with a little practice and anyone that sees it as stressful, needs to be removed from the equation. The other party should just take their time and do it nice and slow and it will get done, even if it means getting in and out of the vehicle a few extra times.

Hope you enjoyed my little story and are not living it.
Good camping (and backing) to all.

[D___M]

DW always had some complex method of figuring out EXACTLY where she wanted me to spot our RVs. I always told here to go stand exactly where she wanted the left rear corner of the trailer or the MH to be placed and stand still. There was no arm waving, aimless wandering, etc. She did all of the planning, I did all of the work. She was smarter then me anyway.

[dcmac214]

We do it the other way around, I guide and DW drives. When I'm driving, her idea of guiding is to stand, watch and wait until I either hit something or back into a ditch or hole and then tells me.

[DiskDoctr]

ROFLMAO!

Just remember, I was NEVER HERE. I have absolutely nothing to do with this thread. What was that? Yes, Dear, I'll be right there :R :B

[jpfx]

first trip out in our latest (new to us) rv and my wife hops out to watch me back into our site. I keep an eye on her in the mirrors as well as keeping an eye on everything else. I've got the windows down so I can hear anything...

'Stop' she shouts. I say 'what?'. 'You've hit a tree' says she.

See what a moments inattention causes. the problem and I really mean this is I should've remembered that backing up is my responsibility despite what's been taught, said or agreed to.

Anyway, it don't look that bad now I've knocked it out.
Pity the backup camera NEVER works when it's actually needed.

[beemerphile1]

mosseater wrote:
...I have come to the conclusion that nothing is ever going to help my situation. In order for her to get better at "helping me" she is going to actually have to attempt to understand a few things, and she has no interest in that....

I feel your pain, that is my situation also.

[beemerphile1]

2012Coleman wrote:

The walkie-talkie method;
I bought a $100 set of radios but never could get her to understand the operation.

Well, you spent too much money and didn't read the directions. Phones are great but don't always have a signal.

Huh? I read the directions and know how to operate them. Training her was the problem. What do phones have to do with it?

[Z1derful]

wthibeaux wrote:
The solution is pretty simple. Let her back the truck while you give her directions. Works for us.

X2

[Lincoln4]

I pretty much take a look at the site before backing in. I point out any issues or concerns I notice to the DW. She watches those items, and makes sure the leveling jacks are clear of obstructions. I back in using mirrors and the rear camera. Works pretty well, and if I have to move and reposition a time or two, once in a while, no biggie...

[paulsang]

paulcardoza wrote:
I take my cell phone, call DW's cell, put it on speakerphone and set it on the dash. Then she and I can both talk without pushing buttons and she does a great job of guiding me in.

X2
Exactly what we do. I am out back. But the concept of 'go slow' still hasn't sunk in...LOL

[mosseater]

OK, I admit I skipped forward to post, because I've read it all before.

I have come to the conclusion that nothing is ever going to help my situation. In order for her to get better at "helping me" she is going to actually have to attempt to understand a few things, and she has no interest in that. She is content to do everything exactly as the OP states, and I can't take getting that angry at her anymore. We do not speak for hours after I back in sometimes. She does the arm flailing, neck sawing (for stop), disappearing act (which causes me to stop while she apparently times me to see how long till I get out and walk back to see where she went), the talking from 50' away (as if I can hear her), all of it and more. I just can't take it anymore, so I ignore her if she's there. Her only job is to scream if I get close to hitting something. Period. I just don't understand what is so hard about helping direct the trailer back. Even with walkie talkies I had to explain I need regular, constant input from her so I know we are still in contact, and I just got silence, and then she'd walk to my window and ask what I was waiting for. Five years of trying and I'm done. Very sad that she refuses to get it.

[Sillybugs2]

My son helps dh park our trailer. Keeps our marriage happy.

[rhagfo]

abc40kids wrote:
I do it myself if I have to get out of the truck 5 times or more.... She will help if I ask but if its just a matter of getting a little closer to the back of the site or moving back and forth to level I let her drive and I tell when to stop and go.

This is up to five pages and the first answer covers it 100%!!!!

The only thing I have the DW do is in the summer watch for crazy kids and keep them out from behind the 5er!

I usually look the spot over as we drive up and look for reference points, and clearance issues. Then it is mirrors and getting out to check any issues. If something happens, there is only one person to blame, me!

Best marriage saver there is.

[phenrichs]

I have always been pretty good at backing trailers. My wife and I use radios but she is mostly watching for obstacles or for my blind side when it happens.

[happybooker1]

Just being my son & me -- he got drafted to 'help' me back up pretty darn quick!

He's been helping me back since he was 10 using gestures only & we never talk (much less raise our voices at each other)!

We could drop it on the ball in no more than 2 tries (90% of the time in one). We never backed over anything or hit a limb, tree, or other obstacle. At a CG When he was 12 a friendly camper came over to help this poor woman who had no one but a child to help her. I got so confused by his signals & talking I finally just stopped & told him please let my son do it! After he saw us, he apologized for 'butting in' but it was all good!

IT IS VERY hard for me to back but with my son telling me which way to cut my wheels we could get her done quick!

[2012Coleman]

The walkie-talkie method;
I bought a $100 set of radios but never could get her to understand the operation.

Well, you spent too much money and didn't read the directions. Phones are great but don't always have a signal.